
“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” Romans 6.23
My name is Marvin Gardner, and I am 29 years of age. Born and raised in London, England.
Up until three years ago I was your usual 26 year old modern day man. I had everything the world has to offer. I lived in a 2.5 million pound bachelor pad on the Chelsea/Fulham borderline, I had many women, I was an international DJ and a university graduate working for a top luxury travel firm travelling the globe.
Despite having all of this something was still missing and my life was a mess. As a result I set out in search of what that something was.
This is my testimony.
The beginning:
I grew up between two homes as a youngster. At the age of nine months my father left my mother, leaving yet another single mother & fatherless child to struggle. To help with the burden of single parenthood my grandparents assisted my mother in caring for me.
At the age of 7, I moved to my grandparent’s home in Northolt, on the outskirts of London. I spent the next 11 years of my life growing up with them in a well-disciplined, typical Jamaican home. As a youngster my grandparents would take me to a local Baptist church where I heard the people speak often about God & Jesus but I did not ever hear about the Gospel, who Jesus is or what he came to do.
My perception of Christianity as a boy was that I was already a Christian as I went to church & I was a good person as I never did bad things.
My high school years were spent at Cardinal Wiseman Roman Catholic High School, Greenford a local school in the area. Here I would attend mass on a regular basis and say the ritual prayers and partake in the eating of bread and wine although I never understood their meaning. I would as they say in Jamaica “follow fashion” which means to follow the in-crowd!
During my GCSE years I remember studying Mark’s Gospel and the impression I had of Jesus was that he was just a morally good teacher.
As a young teenager I enjoyed football, tennis, girls, girls, and more girls, I also collected House & Garage records which enabled me to become a DJ.
During my latter teen years I began to DJ on London’s major pirate radio stations and in nightclubs sometimes with crowds as large as 2000 people.
With the DJ-ing came media attention and as a result my fame in the local area began to increase and with it also came more female attention and money. It wasn’t long before I began to fully involve myself with the opposite sex and to my shame I encountered sexual one-night stands where-by I would use the opposite sex to satisfy my own selfish sexual lusts and desires.
Following 6th form at the same high school, I went on to university where I studied a 3 year Management & Tourism course, at the University of Surrey.
At university I continued to DJ across the UK and overseas also. Along with studying came even more women of different shades and sizes, money & more problems.
At the age of 21 I tried illegal drugs for the first time and I began to seek pleasure in alcohol, having many drunken nights.
God was the furthest thing from my mind and all I worried about was where my next DJ booking, next woman, or next high was going to come from.
If I could be renamed at that point in my life my name would be “SELF”.
I began full time work at age 22 and held down good jobs in the luxury travel business working for numerous reputable brands. But rather than stop sinning, my sins continued and I found myself carrying out acts of fraud at work stealing from the very hand that fed me.
For the next 3 years life continued in the same vein. Every time I set myself a new goal, when I had achieved it, I always wanted more.
Looking back I can relate to the words of King Solomon in Ecclesiastes 2:10 who said.
“And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure”
A few years later I could relate to Solomon’s words Ecclesiastes 2:11 in the next verse which read.
“Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expanded in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and striving after wind & there was nothing to be gained under the sun”
At this point in time I was living in a 2.5 million pound penthouse which was spread over 3 floors. If you are familiar with the TV program MTV cribs this was it. I had my own personal bar, which could hold 50 people at a time, a pool table room, a DJ booth, and 3 balconies, one of which looked over the River Thames. To most people in life this is what one wants and strives for, but for me it was vanity and instead I wrestled with the question that there must be more to life than this. I wanted to know the answers to life’s big questions, 1) “Who am I?” 2) “Why am I here?” 3) “What is life’s meaning?” 4) and “Where do I go when life is over?”.
I had come to the conclusion that the penthouse was nothing more than bricks and mortar, the women I had in multiples were using me just as I used them, the money I had would not last forever, and the music I collected would one day gather dust and be replaced by something new.
The sin I was in love with began to spiral out of control. I was fed up of lying to people, hurting women, partying till late hours and drunken nights. To top this off my family, friends and girlfriend believed I was a good person, which was apparent on the outside, but they did not know that I was living a double life.
I was a lying, cheating, lost fool and I knew it. I was chasing the best the world had to offer and it did not satisfy. I wanted out.
To try and get answers to life’s meaning I began a new quest and search, turning to spiritual books and religion.
My first stop was Rhonda Byrne’s new age book “The Secret”. I read this with an open mind and I understood that its main point was that the author believed in the law of attraction. The law of attraction is a metaphysical belief that believes “like attracts like” for example if you believe you will gain more money earnestly enough you will begin to gain more money.
I tried and toiled with this idea for some time but it came to no avail. I figured either Ms Byrne had some secret knowledge that I had yet to tap into or the system of thought was false. I believed the latter to be true so I moved on from this.
Next up I began to read extensively on the religion of Rastafarianism. As a young black male I wanted to trace my meaning and existence as a black man by going back to my roots. I read much material on the subject, but yet again I found flaws which I believe, if held up with honesty, do not answer key questions:
1) What happens when I die?
2) I found various issues regarding race where by the black man is viewed as the supreme race and Gods people.
3) I never understood why the Rastafarian religion would read the Bible but claimed it was not 100% accurate. Many within this system of thought believe the Bible has been tampered with by man and cannot be trusted as a result.
These 3 major points as well as others led me to the place I least expected - the Bible. To begin, I wanted to know why the Rastafarian religion would not trust the Bible 100%, yet would pick and choose certain segments.
As I was on a quest for truth I saw no harm in looking at the Bible next.
One evening I went to my mother’s home where my aunt also resides and I asked my aunt (who is not a Christian) whether she had a Bible. She did and she gave me a Bible she had been given in her school days. That evening I took the Bible with me back to my penthouse and began to read the Gospel of Matthew. I read the first 5 chapters which made sense and were clear. In chapter 5 of Matthew, I came to the “Sermon on the Mount” where I was stunned to read much of what Jesus said. Up until that point I didn’t realize that the Bible warned that “whoever looks at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her in his heart” Matthew 5:28. I was shocked to read in Matthew 5:48-49 in answer to people who claimed “you shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy” that Jesus reply was “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”.
Up until that point I thought that as long as I believed in God and tried to live a good life, I would go to heaven when I died. I was so wrong and realized that there was nothing I could do to wash away my sins. I knew that if God judged me by this standard on Judgment Day, I would end up guilty, and go to hell."
That evening coming face to face with who the Bible stated Jesus was, I spoke to God and said “God if this is true what I have read please show me more and continue to reveal yourself to me through my reading, I am sorry I have sinned against you.”
Thereafter for the next 5 weeks I continued to read the Bible and my heart and mind were changed. I later learned that what had happened was that I had been born again (John 3). I believed what was written in the Bible to be 100% true. I acknowledged my sins and I began to understand why Jesus died. It was to take the punishment for my sins, and the sins of the world."
At this stage I knew no Christians but I knew I had changed as I found myself loving the things that God stated in his word and I now hated and wanted to run away from the things I once loved.
One of the first things I did was go to my girlfriend at the time (now my wife) and tell her that we could no longer fornicate with one another as I was now a Christian and the Bible states that this is sin and sex is for marriage. I told her that God is Holy and I wanted to live right before him and obey his word. I gave her a Bible and told her to read and test the scriptures to see if they are true. I shared the gospel with all of my family in London, Greater London, Canada, America and Jamaica and came under heavy persecution from some who believed they were Christians but showed no evidence of this by their life pattern. I also sent several good friends letters breaking down the gospel to them and advising them that I was a changed man and that Christ had saved me and changed me. I advised them all that there is a judgment to come and they must repent and put their trust in Christ & flee from the wrath to come. Some mocked and some thought I was crazy but as the Bible in Matthew 5:11-12 states “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you”. This only strengthened my faith and made me realize that the words in scripture are true and living.
As music was a huge idol in my life at the time, one day upon return from a DJ set I decided to destroy all of my records and CD’s. I took a hammer to the nearly 2000 records and CDs in my collection. The reason I did this was because I no longer wanted any worldly attachments and I knew the lure of music had the potential to lure me back to my old ways. All I wanted to do was serve the Lord with all my heart. I was rebelling against everything in the world that had enslaved me for so long.
I was amazed that the God who created the universe had sent his son to save a wretch like me. I knew my former life and who I was and I knew that I was now a disciple of Jesus Christ and I followed his words “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of man also be ashamed when he comes in glory of his Father with the holy angels” Mark 8:34-38
After 5 weeks of no Christian fellowship I got speaking to a friend who I learned was also a Christian and he invited me to his church which I attended for some time and learned more about Gods word, having good Christian fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ. I have since moved on from that church and am married. My desire now is to grow in God’s word and use the time that the Lord has permitted me to live on this earth to bring glory to his name.
Although at times the daily walk is a struggle, I can take comfort with the Apostle Paul in Romans 7 who states that although he is saved by grace his spirit is still at war with his flesh, I am the most content I have ever been in life. The big questions I had are now answered and settled. I realize more and more as time goes on that “nothing in my hand I bring simply to the cross I cling”.
I have left the words of the Apostle Paul as my concluding remarks whose words summarize who I was and what by God’s Grace through the atonement of Christ I have become.
“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience – among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ-by grace you have been saved- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” Ephesians 2:1-10